Not everything we inherit belongs to us
Have you ever caught yourself saying something your mother used to say? Or doing something exactly the way your grandmother did it, even though nobody ever actually taught you?
Maybe it's how you prepare a particular dish, how you welcome people into your home, or the little things you do when someone isn't feeling well. It's fascinating how much of who we are is shaped by the people who came before us.
Some of those things are beautiful gifts.
Family recipes.
Sunday dinners.
A love of music.
The importance of hospitality.
The way our elders could make something out of seemingly nothing.
But we inherit other things, too.
Beliefs about money.
Expectations about marriage.
Ideas about what makes a good woman, wife, or mother.
The notion that rest must be earned, that strength means never asking for help, or that keeping the peace is more important than speaking our truth.
And sometimes, we carry these beliefs for decades without ever stopping to ask whether they actually belong to us.
That's what I've been thinking about as we continue October's Ritual of Remembrance.
Remembrance isn't simply about honoring the past. It's also about understanding how the past continues to live through us.
And here's where it gets interesting. We can love and honor the people who raised us without adopting every belief they held. We can appreciate the sacrifices our mothers and grandmothers made without believing we must make those same sacrifices. We can recognize that certain ways of living helped previous generations survive while acknowledging that those same ways may not serve the lives we're creating today.
We get to decide what becomes part of our legacy.
This week's ritual - The Inheritance Inventory:
Take a few moments this week to think about the lessons, habits, and traditions you've inherited.
Divide a journal page into two columns:
Column 1: What I Want to Carry Forward
Think about the beautiful things you've inherited. The traditions, values, wisdom, and practices that still enrich your life.
Column 2: What I'm Ready to Release
Consider the expectations, fears, beliefs, or patterns that no longer align with the woman you are today. You don't have to judge any of it. Simply notice.
Then ask yourself:
What do I want the people who come after me to inherit from me?
Because whether we realize it or not, we're creating a legacy every day. Through the words we speak. The boundaries we establish. The joy we allow ourselves. The way we love, rest, celebrate, and care for ourselves.
*A Thought to Carry Into the Week*
Our ancestors passed down what they knew, what they believed, and what helped them navigate their world. We can honor that inheritance while choosing differently for our own lives. Some traditions deserve to be preserved. Some patterns deserve to be transformed.
And some stories deserve a new ending.
Remembering where we come from doesn't mean we have to remain there.
Until next time, take off your cape and make room for the legacy you want to create.
